Blessed

I've cried - and was given a shoulder to cry on

I've gotten angry - and was given boxing gloves and a sparring partner

I've questioned my own worth - and was shown nothing but love and appreciation

I still hurt

but

 

I'm still standing strong as ever

I'm still the person I was always meant to be 

but I feel humble and SO BLESSED

never before have I felt so "worth it" before....


  

Questions

How do you deal with a broken heart?


How do you stop the dreams that give you restless sleep and wake feeling like a hangover of the heart?

How do you stop your brain from overanalyzing?

How do you stop associating all those things that remind you….of that person and makes your stomach turn into knots?

How do you stop yourself from the constant need to say just     one       more     thing?

How do you shake that feeling of thinking they cared and now realizing they really dont....?

Endless questions keep rolling in my mind...........

Letting go is never easy.

Lesson

I believe we are given experiences in life that we are meant to learn something from.

No matter how much it hurts inside, nothing should be taken in vain.

I learned something that was hard for me to take recently.  It's something that probably I should really remember before I lose myself into these experiences.  I let my emotions run my actions too much and I see that this is where I go wrong.

I learned that I KNOW I am worth going the distance for and that I want and deserve to be with someone that feels that way about me too.

Work.In.Progress.

Challenge

As a kid I was really shy.



I spent a lot of time alone or in the company of adults. I picked up a large vocabulary and read encyclopedias for fun. My creative energy was spent coloring or drawing. I even had my own “newspaper” that I loved writing stories for.


I created for myself a safe environment that was free of criticism and ridicule. Trust has always been a shaky subject. I learned to analyze everyone and everything instead of just taking small risks that could be potentially great. I knew the little world I had created for myself was harmless.


Yet inside that shell was POTENTIAL that needed to be unleashed.


As a teenager I started to take small steps outside of the comfort zone.


I joined majorettes and twirled a baton in front of big crowds
I sang solos at church
I gave up most of my public speaking fear in college when I pushed myself through a speech class – and survived!


I said goodbye to the shy girl but remnants of her trust issues and insecurities remain.


I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS – but really, shouldn’t we all be??


I have this need to push myself out of my comfort zone from time to time. If I’m not being challenged I feel like I’m not living life to its full potential. So, I strive to challenge myself often.


My goals are to make the most out of me as I possibly can.


Have you challenged yourself lately?

Rainy Day

Well it's a rainy day here in MA.   So here are some suggestions for a rainy day...

Start off with some coffee of course......

Then drive your brother crazy....

It's a great time to focus on those projects you've been needing to get done :-)

Play a game! 

Get a little silly!!

But most of all....

Make sure to LAUGH

One of These Days

One of these days I’m going to…

                write the great American novel

                open my artsy swanky café

                visit Scotland and Ireland

                kiss in the rain on a summer night

                learn and point out all the constellations

                take a risk, without fear, and have it turn into something great

                really learn how to speak Italian fluently (it’s kind of choppy right now)

                invent something

                fall in love and have the feeling be mutual and right

                realize that I am worth it.

My list is long and limitless but I gave you the first 10 to pop into my head. 

I’d like to read about yours….   One of these days you are going to...  And GO!

Happy Place

I love the ocean.

It’s where I run to when I want to clear my mind and truly feel relaxed.  I never really questioned why I always retreated to ocean side scenery whenever I had the need to escape… it just always just felt right.  Today I really gave it a lot more thought.  

Newport, RI is always my first choice.  I love the historical colonial homes that line the quaint cobblestone roads.  It reminds me of New England roots and when times were simple.   Thames Street is filled with a flavor for every taste.  The eclectic choices in the shops allow you to peruse art stores, music, coffee, antiques…. Etc.  Newport also has the stunning Cliff Walk which boasts 3.5 miles of walking along side a gorgeous open ocean view. 

Now this isn’t a blog post on Newport tourism but I wanted to give you just a small idea of what it’s like.

And then there are the boats…

Boats bring me back to my childhood – a time when I wasn’t required to think about work and life, it was just all play.  Summer as a kid meant heading to the marina and setting sail for the open waters.  There was no arguing, no school, no high expectations… it was just relaxed people enjoying nature and the free feeling of coasting on top of water.  I remember hanging my feet over the side of the boat just to feel the splash of the water.  I could sit there for hours amused by how it tickled my feet.  

Why the ocean?

The salt water smell

The ocean breeze

The sound of the waves rolling in

The rush of the water…..

Its mind cleansing and it always brings me back into focus.

This is my happy place.

No one hurts me here.  The ocean is open and welcoming.  It surrounds me with peace.  There is no denying the power of the ocean.  When you stand by a shoreline and look as far as your eyes can take you, well, there is just no denying that God made this.  If God could make something so beautiful, powerful and yet so calming and refreshing then there is no denying that he made us all with the same idea in mind.   We are all something great in His eyes – time to start believing it too.

So I’m curious – where is your happy place?

Writing Art......

Writing is an art.

Words become colors of descriptions and exclamations flowing exquisitely from pen to paper. 

What beauty emerges from this art is a 

picture of thoughts and feelings 

that      D A N C E        across the pages

to

your

imagination........

Vulnerable

vul·ner·a·ble adj. a. Susceptible to physical or emotional injury.

Wow. According to that definition I’m as vulnerable as you can get. Not only should I live life in a bubble to avoid every cold, allergy and virus that comes my way but my heart has always been wide open target for emotional injury. Sicknesses go away but the emotional scars well they stay along for the ride. I’m afraid to admit that I have allowed these past hurts affect me in my present. I tell myself that being vulnerable is always what leads to something bad… don’t say this Melissa and don’t do that Melissa – that’s how everything gets screwed up! I’ll let myself believe that I’m just not worth it and how could anyone possibly want this tangled redheaded mess

I’m so iMpErFeCt.

I’m not model material and I’m definitely not the most graceful chic you’ve ever met. Hey and I burn food from time to time… oh the list goes on in my head. I just let it go on until I’ve completely talked myself back into a shell where I’ve absolutely insisted that its better for me to just stay in there and say nothing at all.

Living life inside the shell makes it hard to breathe... I want to burst out and shout without abandon my thoughts my feelings my fears…. Just let it out and not care. Then there’s that vulnerable thing again…

Has this been you?

Vulnerability is transparency. It’s being open – being present. It takes a great deal of trust. I’ve realized that I need to stop viewing it as a weakness but rather as a strength.

Vulnerable is beauty in itself. If you are able to be present with others in such an open and humbling way then your light shines brighter than any models perfectly whitened teeth. Allow yourself to be just you and continue to show love fearlessly. Emotional scars exist but they show strength. They are reminders of what you thought you were never capable of surviving and are now standing… and tall.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable” C.S. Lewis