Just a little diddy....

You know... I'm not even sure why I chose this picture for the blog. I just really liked it. The colors grabbed me.

I'm on the countdown for the days til school officially starts and where I'll have to use the blog to keep my head above water because it is THE most stressful part of my life. You'd think I was talking about my own school term - but I'm actually not. The elementary school year is by far one of the most stressful things I have to deal with day to day until summer bliss. I feel that the girls and I have been cheated of our summer this year. Kind of sux really. But alas, there was much fun had by all. I gave it my all and I kept to my word of really getting out there this summer. But now its time to buckle down and get serious again. I'm pouting over it... I'm not ready!!!!!

These are the times that I will definitely need to keep myself motivated and inspired. I will need to stay steadfast and strong. Always putting one foot in front of the other with my chin held high is the stance i'm going for. I'm praying for a successful year for my girls and especially for Shaughnessy who is now enrolled in IEP. This is not for academic but for her behavior... which makes it that much more fun for all. If you think of it - even just a whisper of a prayer for her would really be appreciated. Thanks - in advance.

I also have been dragging my feet on my own school term coming up. I have a Management internship that I have yet to really get rolling as well as an International Management class. Yeah that is a resounding YUCK I heard from the blogging audience. I agree! Well only 9 more classes after this term.... ONLY 9 and I will have finally achieved my seemingly lifetime goal of a bachelors degree. Albeit not the major I've dreamed of - it still is a degree and a hard earned one at that.

So what am I doing for my last few days here? Oh just sipping some raspberry wine and thinking of good things. Hopes -- dreams-- goals-- happiness..... I always try to have a handy list in my mind of things I can think of to keep my spirits up. Doesn't always work but I try my best. Well I am off for now....

Sail Away.......

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore.Dream. Discover"-- MARK TWAIN

It's funny... a lot of inspiration from my blogs come from the "art" I have on my laptop. I sort of sift through the pictures until one stands out to me. I find a quote and somehow I can be taken to a thought and a desire to share what is on my mind.

This quote is truly something to live by. How many times have you thought - wow where did those years go? If I had known what I know NOW welllll.... I could go back and change this or that. Well NOW is the time to do all you have dreamed of. You don't want to sit ten years from now and live in the past. Live each day with full unabashed abandon. Truly enjoy and savor each precious moment as if it is your last.

Of course, what would I say to someone telling ME this? I'd probably snicker a little and say hmmph - sure YOU try and enjoy every moment smiling like an idiot through your mundane job and then live day to day with chores, school work, housework, separating the children before they claw at each other.... etc. Well, I'd have to sit back and tell myself that I should remember I'm blessed to have a life with children, that I have a job to go to everyday, that I'm blessed to have the job that PAYS for that school and an actual place to live. It all comes back in some form to actually be thankful for even the smallest things we take for granted. I write this blog as a reminder to myself to never underestimate the blessings I have been given. The stress in my life makes me a stronger woman and in turn allows me to help someone else in need.

So live your life to its fullest potential. Think about how possibly short life could be. That in the blink of an eye it could all be gone. Each day is a gift. So as Mark Twain is telling us - set sail on the journey of life... take it in for all its worth - good and bad.

It feels as though summer lasted for two weeks this year... school begins in just one more week and I find myself already digging my nails into August - dreading its loss before its even gone. However, with saying goodbye to summer I am welcoming in the gorgeous New England Autumn. It's a time for hay rides, Jack O'Lanterns and Mother Nature painting the leaves with gorgeous colors. Another season to discover sweet simplicity in our surroundings.

So many directions I could go in this post from here... talk about how optimism for a usually pessimistic person as myself has become a learned art form. Or do I go onto how with Fall also means my oldest daughter turns 9.... yes my red headed beauty is growing up so fast before my eyes and I still never cease to learn more from every moment with her. It is truly amazing how children can teach you patience, perseverence and how to love deeper than any level you could possibly ever imagine.

I guess I have some more blog posting ideas ahead for myself. For now I must sleep and get ready to rock out my last few days as 31 ;-)

Emotions

“There are moments in life, when the heart is so full of emotion That if by chance it be shaken, or into its depths like a pebble Drops some careless word, it overflows, and its secret, Spilt on the ground like water, can never be gathered together” ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Emotions are powerful.

Most of us have no idea what to do with them. Many times we try to take these emotions and bottle them up and by doing so with the hopes that it makes things hurt less or become less intense and overwhelming. Having been (and still guilty of...) a self-proclaimed "bottler" I can tell you this is dangerous. The problem is that the bottle is never big enough and all those emotions you work so hard to close up, end up spilling over and usually leaving a mess in the aftermath.

We have emotions for a reason. They are gifts to help us to learn about ourselves and each other. When we learn how to deal with our own emotions then we can understand more about others. I find that a major problem in relationships these days is that with no control on our feelings then there is no way to communicate effectively. When you are feeling so angry inside and yet don't know how to deal with the anger or express it into words then things become icy. Usually anger is masking another emotion - sadness. I find its easier to be angry then to actually face the pain of something that hurts. I don't want to be that person anymore and instead have opted to actually delve into these feelings and understand where they are coming from.

It's not easy.

I'm going to learn to love my anger... love my sadness...love my fears... as well as loving things that make me ecstatic and giddy. These are all a part of me. And yes folks, since the theme of the blog these days is "learning to love yourself"....then emotions are a part of me and a part of you. Try it out. Next time a strong emotion takes over you - take a moment and really feel it. Don't be afraid of uncovering what's underneath. Once you uncover the emotions that aren't so good then you can become more open to yourself and others.

Beautiful

www.youtube.com/watch?v=GS9GH8XX3Ew


The words to this song are description enough....

Moon in the sky
how you intrigue me

Mysterious and ever surreal

your ethereal beauty abounds

Serving as a reminder to all

that even admist the vast darkness

One can let their light shine

making even the stars envious

~Melissa Fancher

Such a gorgeous night tonight... I was just sitting outside admiring God's handiwork of celestial beings.... how inspiring. Something so simple can be so so beautiful. There was one lonely little star just off to the left of the moon just begging for me to make a wish. So many things to wish for.... so many hopes and dreams.... I wonder how many are out there that enjoy such things as this and really soak in the incredible beauty that a gorgeous summer night sky can offer. Let your mind wander and revert back to a time when things were as easy taking the time to enjoy simple beauty.

Serenity

"Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace amid the storm"

I have found some peace amid the storm recently in a personal struggle I've been dealing with. It has been a quite liberating experience to be able to finally let go of some anxiety that I have been holding onto for several months now. I'm not sure I will ever fully heal from this experience but I am still definitely viewing everything with clearer vision. My steps are carefully marked and my heart is highly guarded. This has definitely taken some getting used to - this new Melissa. Sometimes I admire her... sometimes she really scares me. Especially those times I refer to myself in third person :-) There are times when I have this strength that seems to come out of nowhere. I manage to pick myself up and trudge through the thickest mud. I have been blessed with many friends helping me along the way. Then there are times when this new person within me has become so icy and hardened. I feel as though its my defensive self. A tougher skin you might say. I definitely admire the long forgotten romantic that I used to be. I can still cry at a sappy romance movie but quicky shrug it off as "fictional". These are things that scare me. As I'm learning to take care of ME, I'm also losing touch with some things that have made me unique. I have hope that just by realizing this I can still hold on to those things. I hope that chivalry isn't really dead and that there is something real to find out there in such an insane world and that someday everything will make sense. Ahhh serenity now......

Hope

Shadow walks faster than you
You don’t really know what to do
Do you think that you’re not alone?
You really think that you are immune to
Its gonna get that the best of you
Its gonna lift you up and let you down
It will defeat you then teach you to get back up
After it takes all that
You learn to love
~Jack Johnson "Hope"

Ozzie and Harriet...Desi and Lucy...Antony and Cleopatra...

It's plain to see that there have been several great famed and destined loves throughout history. Many have been blessed to be struck by cupid's arrow ONE time and have it stick.

I am not one of those seemingly "lucky" ones. I know there are several out there that have walked along in the same shadows as I have - so you can relate. My walk is a learning one. I am choosing to not repeat mistakes or wrongs that I may have made to others or to myself.

Jack Johnson certainly says it best with how "it will defeat you and teach you to get back up". My last defeat really knocked the wind out of me, however, here I am getting to my feet. I'm learning how to walk again. This time I am walking slower, but more careful to watch my steps.

I will learn to love again.

My first steps are learning to love me.

One Flaw...

I received this email from a good friend today - I felt I should share it:

One Flaw In Women

Women have strengths that amaze men.

They bear hardships and they carry burdens,

but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy

and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in.

They stand up to injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer

when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel

and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about

a birth or a wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member,

yet they are strong when they

think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss

can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you

to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what

makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.

They have compassion and ideas.

They give moral support to their

family and friends.

Women have vital things to say

and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,

IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Freedom of Self

“…each day is a gift and not a given right. Leave no stone unturned. Leave your fears behind and try to take the path less traveled by. ..that first step is the longest stride.” ~ Nickelback

I have taken that first step to self discovery and it absolutely IS the longest stride. I’ve been living life full of self doubt, low self esteem, and with rose colored glasses. Life has these ways of bringing you to reality when you really need it the most – for survival. It may be humiliating and the pain you feel is worse than you could ever have imagined, however, the benefits of coming to the other side is refreshing.

Freedom of self is divine.

The road getting there is quite possibly a bumpy one so be prepared. Every mistake that you make has its benefits – you should learn from them. The old adage of “you cannot love another person until you love yourself first” has more truth than most people give it credit for. I’ve spent the past 31 years not really being so nice to me. Everyone else was more important than me. That is where I’ve come to notice that when you are walking on THAT path – you lead yourself as a doormat for others to wipe their feet on. There is nothing wrong with being unselfish. It’s important to be in touch with your feelings and your subconscious self. That tiny voice we usually ignore is trying to protect us. I’m just now learning to listen. I now appreciate the small things in life. That crappy job I complain about – yeah I’m glad I have it. There are so many people that would be happy to be working at all and can’t get in with how the economy is taking a downturn.

Do you ever really take time to soak in your surroundings? I have taken drives and in the midst of a traffic jam – noticed a butterfly just dancing in the air. How about the dog that sticks its head out the window to enjoy the simple joy of the feeling of the breeze? Take time to notice the little things and appreciate them.

Appreciate yourself. Appreciate LIFE.