Why it’s easier to spill my thoughts onto a blank page then to just say what’s on my mind in a moment when it counts absolutely baffles me. My heart strangles me and the words escape me. Sarcasm takes over. I can’t explain it but I’m sure many can understand this phenomenon. I’m over here trying to find the positive in partially lonely existence. I say partially because… well I’m not alone. I am blessed beyond means. I have two daughters. However, when they spend weekends with their father it is – just me. Lately this is becoming harder to deal with. People…. They come and go. The strong ones stick around. Many are weak. They don’t last. They have excuses. Excuses embed into my soul and affect me in the most negative way. I start believing things. I start believing that really I am not worth the time. I’m not worth the effort. They creep up on me in the loneliest of moments. They shatter my dreams, desires and hope. Time to take that advice I can so easily offer others. One foot in front of the other Melissa and remember that I am in good hands. It’s so easy to immediately feel selfish and worthless at the same time. I’m telling you all of this because it’s a reminder that I am human. We are all human. Even those that try to remain positive have bad days. Sometimes I think we might even have more. I know I am going to learn from this. I am always learning. Repeating yet again… I am worth it. I am worth it. I am worth it.
You are worth it ... YOU ARE worth it.
ReplyDeleteI find you are right, that those of us who seek to maintain the positive in an otherwise seemingly mundane life, seem to have more "bad" days than others. Why? Because in our quest for the postitive and our diligence to maintain that we "feel" the bad more intensely.
Not necessarily asking the Big Guy why ... yet wondering still. And that combined with the questions, for me, cause the simalutaneous sense of selfishness and worthlessness.
The trick ... don't believe that voice! We were fearfully and wonderfully made to have the abundance ... yet we must maintain the belief that God does what He says He will do in His Word.
Never, never an easy task ... afterall we are human; and lonliness breeds doubt.
I too am blessed beyound measure, I am not alone, yet spend most of my time by myself in a quiet home, waiting.
And like you told me ... wisely ... Awesome is not coming to the door ... so I strive with you, while I am not there physically with a pot of chili ... I am sitting on the other side of your computer screen, most days, with you.
WE ARE WORTH IT. :)
Blessings.